An accidental switch is now family folklore

My daughter wanted to do Girl Guides. Not so much because she was into camping, tying knots or whatever it is they do there, but because she wanted to perform in Gang Show.

Photo by Matt Seymour on Unsplash Be prepared

For the uninitiated Gang Show is an amateur production put on by the Scots and Girl Guides and features comedy skits, a touch of vaudeville, singing and dancing. Mostly out of tune and poor comic timing, BUT the Gang Show family is a fantastic atmosphere for budding performers.

The run is only three shows over the weekend and opening night is full of problems, but by the third show the cast and crew have it under control.

My daughter loved it and did it for 8 years.

However, to be part of this grand spectacular you had to be a member and attend the weekly meetings. Each week during term times I would dutifully drop her off every Wednesday evening and collect her a couple of hours later.

For the first half of the year rehearsals are held for Gang Show on another evening and weekends, so again I dutifully dropped her off and collected her.

Once Gang Show is over and the high subsides it’s time for the annual camp. Always in winter, always freezing cold, and generally some one-hour drive in the wilderness. So, one year she wants to go on this camp.

First, I don’t camp. I have no idea what to pack other than a vague idea of a tent and sleeping bag.

I had to enlist a friend to help me purchase the items listed in the checklist.

Of course, on the list was the obligatory bring a plate — we lived in the country, bringing a plate is what they do. However, I learnt the hard way, when asked to bring a plate shortly after arriving in this country town from the bright lights of the city and I turned up with an empty plate. No one told me I had to actually put something on it.

Second, I was a working mum with a stressful job, and as the camp kicked off on a Friday night with them returning on the following Sunday night, I had to whip up a batch of something the weekend before. I like to be organised. I pulled out my standby chocolate slice recipe, baked it, then packaged it in a plastic container (easy transportation — thinking ahead) and froze the weekend before. (more thinking ahead) as all working mums do.

Came the designated Friday night my daughter who had packed (with my help) all her stuff the night before, we bundled her in the car where she reminded me of the chocolate slice, so I dashed inside, collected it and stuffed it into her camp bag. We then dropped her off at the designated stop (a bus was hired to take them all up at once), wished her a good trip and went home to commence the weekend duties that all working mums do.

Sunday night I arrived to collect her from the drop off and she was excited about the camp. She had never camped before and was almost frozen from cold as it had been such a cold weekend.

I asked about the chocolate slice — she said she didn’t see it. Since chocolate is always popular, we surmised it was gobbled up as soon as it went out and I felt rather pleased about that.

We returned home to a piping hot soup. My son wanting dessert (as soup never fills him up entirely) raided the freezer for some ice cream.

He pulled out the container and it made a loud noise. He looked at me. I looked at him. He started to smirk, then grin, then burst out laughing.

By this stage I too was laughing.

I looked at my daughter, she began to laugh too as she realised what had happened.

"It was not the chocolate slice that I had sent along with my daughter — it was ice cream."

We laughed so hard at the thought of those Guide leaders opening the container and seeing slushy ice-cream.

The following Wednesday at the Guide meeting I had to fess up and apologise for my mistake. They did wonder why someone had sent along melted ice-cream.

They could see the funny side to it.

I guess all working mums could relate — trying hard to ensure your kids don’t miss out and trying hard to get it right.

As a family we still laugh about it.

What stories are family folklore for you? Share them with me.

Chewy Chocolate Slice

Here is the recipe for the chocolate slice. My son used to make this slice often, especially for school bakes. 

Except the time he added 2 cups of cocoa powder instead of 2 tablespoons….

Note: My writing accountability partner (friend first) Colleen and I both wrote about a funny thing that happened in our family. Read her story on her blog.

The things that used to matter….

Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash

Recently, I was taking a Zumba class and the lovely young, lithe Zumba teacher was taking us through the steps.

Now although I can dance, I was stumbling and seriously felt like I had two left feet — just when I felt I got the steps, they changed!

I caught a glimpse of an old woman trying hard to keep up and then realised it was me! What a sad and sorry sight I initially thought. Then my thought when to Hang on, I’m here, I’m participating and I’m doing this for me.

This got me thinking about my life and the things that used to matter but now They. Just. Don’t.

I came up with the following insights and, in reflection, they are probably a blueprint for life. Let’s start with self-acceptance and approval of oneself.

1. Acceptance and Approval

When I was young, like all of us, I desperately wanted acceptance and approval, to fit in with a group and certainly not be on the outer. As a young woman I went to aerobic classes (ok it was the 80’s) and consequently mastering the moves — I was a bit un-co (un-coordinated). When this happened, my cheeks would start to feel warm and turn red in embarrassment and I felt mortified that I couldn’t do the moves.

I thought people were looking at me and thinking I was stupid for not keeping up, so I positioned myself right at the back of the class so no-one would see me, and eventually I didn’t go back.

I remember attending a Zumba class for mature ladies in the States, and there was one woman in the group who danced to the beat of her own drum. She looked like she was in a trance! She was doing her own thing. She certainly wasn’t looking for acceptance or approval, she was having fun!

So why is it that we seem to need acceptance and approval from total fucking strangers? Ones that don’t matter in your life and furthermore, ones you will probably never meet again.

We are all drowning in our own self-concern. Even when we do notice, comment, judge others, it’s in reference to ourselves. The world is a giant mirror

RealisationOnce I realised that I would probably never see these people again it changed how I went about doing things. Now in my 60’s I realise no-one is looking at you. They are too busy looking at themselves in the mirror!!

2. Spending too much time working (or at work, or stressing about work)

Seriously what was I thinking? I started my teaching career in my early 20’s and kept going till I turned 60. Was it a great career? Yes! I won excellence awards for teaching, wrote textbooks, learning materials, ran the student body single handed whilst running a teaching department (more awards and accolades), got involved with online delivery and all the projects involved to get that up and running. Heady days.

But if i have one regret in my life it was that I didn't spend enough time having fun with the kids. Yes, I did all the birthday party things (you should have seen some of the cakes I managed to bake!), sports things, dance things etc etc, but gee was I present parent during that time? I was very a harassed parent — tired, grumpy, bad-tempered — ok you get the picture.

The reality is, if you’re away for a prolonged period of time from work, or not working at all, you are forgotten. Hell, I left one college I had worked at for over 25 years and I didn’t even get a morning tea coffee and cake send off!

What really matters are your family and close friends. This is more important than deadlines, budgets, and trying to avoid conflicts at work. Make time for those who really matter, not ones who forget you once you are out of the picture.

Realisation
My mistake was that I felt my self-worth was somehow tied up with my work.

Minimalising

I moved a bit. I must have some gypsy blood in me. As I left each home, I carried the purchases and the gifts of life along the way. I held on to things that were given to me, even from childhood — toys, books, mementos, kitchenware thinking that the people who had given them to me would feel said if I threw them out.

They were weighing me down. I began looking at each of these items are little more intently and wondering why I was holding on to them. Guilt? Come in handy some day?

They never did come in handy and the guilt? Well the people who gifted them wouldn’t even know what they’d given to me. I decluttered

Out went dinner plates, platters, fancy dishes and glasses for dinner parties that never happened

Out went metres and metres of fabric and patterns (I used to work for a pattern company) of garments I would never make — so I moved them on.

Mementos I had collected over my life? I held them, I remembered, they didn’t bring me joy so they were gone too.

All the furniture housing them — gone too.

The tossing out began and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Realisation
Biggest realisation? If I really needed something of which I had rid myself, I could almost always get it at Vinnes (goodwill stores).

Materialism and Money

I lived through the decade of greed and wanting shiny things. I also lived through a sad marriage and painful divorce. I would buy shiny things to make me happy. I associated buying things with happiness. I bought many shiny things, but it didn’t change my unhappy state.

The shiny things were a cover to how I was truly feeling (low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness) and the thrill of a new purchase was a quick way to alleviate those feelings.

I eventually did some self help on myself and once I was mentally in a better place, the need for shiny things went by the wayside as I realised that money doesn’t bring you happiness. It makes your life comfortable but doesn’t make you entirely happy.

Realisation
I realised that shiny things were a cover.

COVID-19

When I began to write about things that didn’t matter it was because a friend and I challenge each other to write on a topic. She had selected things that don’t matter.

This was all before COVID-19 struck. I had let this slide as I read what was going on in the world. Now when I review what I have written it stands truer than before.

Whilst in quarantine I think many of us will review our lives and look at the things that used to matter and decided that most probably don’t matter at all.

Can I send a challenge to you? What are the things that used to matter but now don’t?

Note: My writing accountability partner (friend first) Colleen and I both wrote on this topic. Read her story on her blog.

I digital detoxed my life and my world didn’t fall apart

I fell into using online technology by accident in the mid 90’s because my daughter was born with a condition which, at the time, was rare.

Photo by Marvin Meyer on Unsplash

Iwas living in regional NSW and in 1986 my daughter was born with what we later found out was Mosaic Down’s Syndrome (MDS) — which in a nutshell meant some of her cells were normal (46) and some Down’s (47) — mixture, a mosaic. At the time it was rare and even the Doctor’s knew little about it.

I was put in touch with the Down’s Syndrome Association in Sydney and although helpful with some info via snail mail, not helpful for my daughter who although she displayed some signs of “Down’s”, she was also meeting all regular milestones ie sitting up at 6 months, crawling at 9 months and walking at 13 months.

As the world progressed and the internet became affordable to all, in 1997, I put the internet on at home and one of the first things I did was to search (no google in those days) for as much information about MDS, but there was none given how new the net was.

About 6 months later the Down’s Syndrome Association set me an email with a link and I remember how it was worded — not sure if this will be of any help to you, but here is a link that we have come across.

So I clicked on the link (all was safe in those days) and it led me to a site in the States where a young mum (which I was too) had set up a website (rather primitive but functional for the time) where she put her daughter’s MDS story. On it I found many many more people (mostly in the States) with children who were born with the same thing as my daughter.

I immediately wrote my story and sent it off with a pic of my daughter and then I was inundated with responses. I had emails from many people from the States and some from the UK and eventually one from Australia.

Most of those on the site had young babies and toddlers and because my daughter was 11, many had questions about my daughter’s progress, hoping it will give them a glimpse of what they could expect. Turns out that children with MDS range from low to high functioning. My daughter was more in the high functioning bracket, so I really wasn’t much help and I didn’t like to give false hope.

The husband of the family from the UK Bill, was into IT and soon we were using NetMeeting to communicate, not only to them but to a number of families in the States. Bill showed me how to use a web camera so we could video conference — talk and see them over the other side of the world, and I just loved the new technology. I bought the camera and the headphones, and I was ready!

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Early Adopter

I became an early adopter of all online technology; I couldn’t get enough of it! Soon I had an email with all the major providers of the time — my internet provider, work, Yahoo, MSN Hotmail (later live). I subscribed to chats like Microsoft comic chat, AOL online, MSN groups, Yahoo chat — remember the Yahoo yodel when you received a message “Yahooooooooooo” come yodelling out of your computer — and ICQ — which I found out is still miraculously still going! I downloaded songs from Napster, registered for SchoolFriends.com.au (which incidental had a chat attached to it as well) before being renamed as Friends Reunited. I started a blog on Blogger and registered for Skype.

I was sending virtual bunches of flowers to friends, crazy memes (before they were called memes) and pictures and we all got a giggle from them and let’s not forget online dating sites! I even signed up to a site called Get a Life because I felt I needed to get a life (but all that came from that site were guys hitting on me).

I just loved it and couldn’t get enough of it (the technology that is, not the guys hitting on me) and so when my educational institution began the foray into online delivery (2000), I was a natural choice to join the many online projects, given that I had been using the technology for the last 3–4 years.

As I adored writing and being creative in my delivery, I began transferring that to the online environment. I revelled in writing the online content, loved creating the webpages and site for online learning, loved working on the instructional design of the website, loved the challenge of being able to transfer how I deliver face to face (f2f) to the online environment and loved proving people that you can do most things in the online environment, even ballroom dancing!

Soon I was using MSN groups for mini web sessions (in those days you could only have 1 to 5 so had to have several sessions with learners. I was using it from home because work had a firewall and thus began working from home — which I just loved! I was a morning person so could get up and put a load of washing on, attend to a few learners, then head in to work. From there I progressed to Skype as it had tools just like the classroom! Yay!

Later when online systems were introduced at work, I stayed home to plan programs, write content and was able to get far more done in a few hours at home than a day in the office! I would have stayed home all day to work but since I was Head of Department, I had to show my presence in the office.

To help the teachers transition to online delivery we developed and ran courses so they could use and feel comfortable with the new technology. These was exciting times as we wrote the units for the course and these were literally going up the day before it was “released” to the learners.

As the teachers come from various teaching areas, we used topics that they could relate to, such as running coffee tutorials, which was basically sending them on a web quest, asking questions and showing them a short video — which I shot using a 72 dpi camera, then struck it together as a short video with a commentary in some early version of movie maker.

As each course ended (we ran quite a few over the next few years), we’d run 70’s party online as our “end of year get together” — like we did in a f2f environment), or Yacht Parties (where I was a virtually drunk and fell off the yacht after heading off with the Captain) and so on. We created virtual spaces where learners could go and visit to connect with other learners (we had a fireplace room, a book room).

We were doing cutting edge stuff — continuing to write courses in our subject area and out of our subject area where we helped with instructional design and putting them up a page before the learning was going to take place, we were writing the online learning rules, policies and procedures (we were a Government department — they loved policies and procedures). We were trialling courses and making changes and recommendations.

We were writing courses with no content and relied on the collaborative strength of learners to come up with the content. We became facilitators rather than teachers as we “led” the learners to the information (think discovery learning, action centred learning, and the current flipped classroom). We were killing it and we were being asked to attend conferences and other institutes to let them know our success. Our learners had 90% completion rates which for online courses was extremely high. Learners loved our quick response and were sending us messages at all times of the day and night.

Then we got our own video conferencing facilities and I was able to pretty much replicate what I do in a f2f session online — think breakout rooms (for small group discussions) brainstorming sessions, uploading of presentations, showing videos, sharing files and links — I was hooked even more and my creativity just went higher.

I had several web profile presences with my own profile for work, MySpace a pre-cursor to Facebook and if you googled me (yes Google was starting to get popular by then) there I was appearing on many sites outlining the benefits of online learning from the many and varied conferences that I attended.

I even won a state minister’s award for excellence in teaching with my work in the online world.

In 2008 I went overseas on a teaching exchange and within three weeks of arriving I had been put on a project for online delivery and they were sending me to Portugal (I was in Northern Ireland), hopping three countries in one day. I even taught back home from Northern Ireland and once the timelines were worked out, it was a piece of cake. Exciting stuff!!

Facebook had arrived on the scene a couple of years prior to me heading OS and I signed up, thinking it would be a great way to keep in touch, however none of my friends had even heard of it and they were not tech savvy, so I didn’t use it much. I ended up emailing them long essays of what I had been up to whilst away (they were at least able to use email — some even managed MSN messenger but it was a challenge for many).

During that time, I spoke constantly with my kids online — through MSN and my daughter remarked that she spoke to me more than her dad and I was 16,000 kms away, whilst her dad was 20 kms away. She said it felt like we were still connected.

In the middle of that year I signed up for LinkedIn as well and over the years had lots of recommendations and of course my profile grew. I was getting contacts from around the world and my head was getting bigger from all this attention.

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The fun had stopped

On my return, I was back into online delivery and by this time we had numerous online classes running. Learners were able to contact me via messaging services and soon I was getting instant messages 24/7 (well it felt that way) and copious amounts of emails announcing work to be reviewed. It was starting to become overwhelming to the point that whenever I logged onto my email, I started to hyperventilate at the amount of unread emails.

When we first got email it was just so exciting to get an email a week, now I was getting an email every minute and it was starting to get difficult to keep on top of it. Learners and colleagues were ringing me saying did you receive my email and when I had answered yes, they said why hadn’t I replied? It was only a space of half an hour. Learners would resend their work if I had not replied within a couple of hours — sometimes I couldn’t if I was at meeting, though later I started to respond to them during meetings which meant I wasn’t totally involved with the meetings.

Where once I had embraced online and was always happy to reply to learners’ messages and/or emails as I felt this was the way of online, it was now intruding in my life. Yes, I know I had created this problem myself, but at the time my colleagues and I, hadn’t considered it.

I was multi-tasking with a vengeance, having several computer screens with numerous programs opened and zipping between writing content, marking work, reading emails, answering phones. I was the queen of multi-tasking and people were amazed at the speed I worked all those computer programs. I was even working on something on the computer (writing, reading) whilst having a phone conversation.

Seriously how was I giving my best when I was only half listening, half involved? But I didn’t have time to think about this as there were more emails to respond to. I did evolve strategies to deal with the work, but it was still overwhelming.

Reading online was beginning to impact on my health — my eyes were always tired, my back and neck started to complain and at one stage I was diagnosed with DVT because of all the time I spent sitting at a computer. I had even ballooned in weight to an all-time high.

Marking online took longer and I was stuck in front of a screen — no taking the papers under a tree to mark. Yes, you could take the laptop but at times the glare interfered and besides I needed my other screen to keep track of what I was doing.

To find a learner’s paper quicker necessitated multiple clicks because of the folder it was stored in, year, semester, course, subject, name of learner an I had to go through this process each time a I had a conversation with a learner so I could see what my feedback to them was.

Also, when sending work back to them, if they had deleted my comments, I found I had to find the one I sent to see where the corrections were (another load of clicks to locate it) — it really was becoming time consuming.

Emails and messaging, from my understanding were invented for short quick messengers (hence the name messenger) but has evolved where complete conversations (and misunderstandings) take place and cause issues.

Just recently I was watching an episode of MAFS (ok ok I needed a bit of veg time) where one of the brides was pissed off at her husband because they had organised a “date” to go bowling and at the appointed time he messages her to say he was at the pub with his mates, did she mind if they didn’t go bowling. She replied with a thumbs up. In his view it sounded like he got the go ahead. Apparently, a thumbs for her meant she was pissed off — and so began a few days of sulks, fights and generally unpleasantness where a quick call would have played out a different scenario — for the record I was with the husband on this one.

In 2014, I eventually retired and thought I could leave all that behind, but I was still connected — via Instagram, LinkedIn, any sites I had signed up for, all my utility bills came online, I chatted online through FB messenger, WhatsApp, Duo, Viber (and the list goes on), I subscribed to several news services, and of course Facebook (as this had exploded since when I joined in 2007). I must confess that when Facebook first arrived it was great to keep in contact with family and friends (especially with my relatives overseas), but as time went on, I got tired of seeing other people’s memories and what they had for dinner.

I found I had some 350 friends (I know small compared to others but then I dated a guy who had some 1000 friends and I questioned him about it but I realised for him it was more about feeling important — we parted ways). These friends, who I really didn’t know and whose birthdays kept popping up nearly every day and then felt obliged to wish them a happy birthday to the point that the sentiment meant nothing. In fact, it was always a repeat from the year before. I quietly took away my birthday and of course there were no birthday wishes, so I stopped sending wishes.

Of course, I subscribed to a number of pages and groups they were posting so often and getting to be same same and the ones that I felt were of a higher quality all had websites that I could log on to a computer to visit and read.

I kept getting invited to events — so did I have to reply to say I was going or worse still not and then everyone could see my reply???

I was spending far too much time online reading trivial stuff and where one click led to another and suddenly 3 hours had gone by — especially as Facebook had numerous ads.

At around this time I started taking public transport more as I had moved to the city and I began observing people and their connectiveness. When I last took public transport, it was back in the late 70’s, early 80’s — long before the internet.

I was getting exhausted, overwhelmed and holding on for so long to pee that I nearly had accidents.

I observed (which I’m sure you have too) people watching movies/TV shows online on either their phones or tablets. The sight that was most common though were phones appearing to be glued to people’s palms with cords dangling from their ears looking like long earrings. Sometimes it varied and they used large headphones like we had in the 70’s.

I sat next to many people listening to music on their devices and as they had them up so loud, I was subjected to hearing second-hand music and it was annoying the hell out of me.

Then there were that group of people that felt that everybody needed to hear both parts of their (loud) conversation (you know the ones). Pair that with accents that were guttural, squawking, or just plain high, loud and squeaky high-pitched voices — it was very grating on the nerves. And really did I need to hear all of this?

But the strangest thing I was now observing was this new breed of headless people. Have you seen these people? They are the ones that have been using their devices so often that their necks poke out (called poked neck — yes, it’s a thing) and looking down, that from the back they look like they are headless. I wonder how their backs and necks will be like in several years’ time?

Yes, I know people before the internet read papers on public transport, but you could always have a chat. It seems that once headphones are on, all conversations are off.

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The disconnection begins…

So, one day after being online for 25 years, I decided to switch off, just like that. I started unsubscribing from newsletters, specials email from places I had shopped and groups in a bid to reduce my email. I started to do a Marie Kondo (did they spark joy? Nope. Delete.)

I deleted old email accounts and chat programs that I rarely used. I deleted my LinkedIn account (I had retired, why did I still need it? But then if this writing gig takes off, I may need to create another one but let’s see.) I did find that I couldn’t switch off completely because there still is stuff that needs to be done online, but I did review each of them and made conscious decisions of the ones that added value to my life and those that didn’t.

I de-activated Facebook which caused a little alarm with some people wondering where I had gone (not deleted it as I still have a few accounts linked to Facebook log ins but working on that). I even deleted the app off my phone and for the first day or so I kinda missed it. I kept Facebook messenger and WhatsApp for my overseas relatives, and one Instagram account.

Now I schedule online time to read the things that are important — I try and set a time in the morning and evening. I ring people a little more often and we talk — a good old fashion chat. I’ve even taken to writing letters — ok not nib and ink but use the word processor only because I type faster than I write.

So, what happened after making a conscious decision to disconnect from much of the online world that enveloped me? Was it a fear of missing out? But what exactly was I missing out on?

What happened was absolutely nothing. The world didn’t fall apart — well not for me. In fact, life is more connected with real people and real conversations.

Are you brave enough to detox in the same way? Would love to hear your stories too.

Returning to Life

How it took me five years to retire, mean it and what I learnt along the way about myself.

The Choice

As a result of a very smart decision when I was 24, I was able to retire at the age of 55 with a decent income. I was a young new teacher and retirement was an eternity away, but I was being asked to decide about my future — did I want to work till 55 or 60?

Road to nowhere

A wise lady I was working with at the time suggested to select 55, to so I took her advice and suddenly (well if felt like that) there I was at 55 and retiring.

At the same time, I had also sold my place — I’d been living in regional NSW and fancied moving back to the bright lights of Sydney. I had sold my place with all the furniture, so packing was very easy and seriously how often do you move to a new place and the furniture you have, doesn’t always fit. I have since I have moved quite a bit! When I weighed up how much furniture I had (not much) and the cost of removal, it was easier to leave it behind. Besides the purchasers were a young married couple and were grateful for the additional inclusions.

I had also recently bought a red sports car. Most would say midlife crisis (well my daughter certainly did), but I had never had a brand-new car and I was ready for adventures.

On the day of my 55th birthday, I posted to Facebook “As of today I am homeless and unemployed. On the upside I have 50 dresses and a red sports car — let the adventures begin.” I thought it a very witty post.

Turns out I had more than 50 dresses, 55 was way too young to leave work and the first adventure I had was to move in with my mother because I had not yet managed to secure a place to live.

The Realisation

Nevertheless, in time I purchased my beach side apartment — via auction. I had never bid at an action before and somehow managed to get it! So, within a couple of weeks I moved in, gazed at the view for a few days and then decided I needed some work, because well, I was bored. Work had been my validation and I felt this was now missing.

I first got a clerical job in a property developer office that was run by a husband and wife, who played out their real-life dramas in the office. He was rude and rather disrespectful and after a couple of months I left.

Within a few weeks, my old work contacted me. Could I fill in for 2 months while someone was on sick leave? Sure, I said. A little while later Oh by the way, can you do some writing work for us? Sure, I said again and in no time, even though I was casual, I was pretty much working full time again, teaching, writing, reviewing etc.

And then I turned 60. Five years had managed to go by and the adventures I was going to have turned out to be going to work. Though I did however manage a few trips in between, but they were few and far between.

It also made me re-evaluate my life. My two children had settled with partners and had had a couple of littlies themselves. They also lived a fair distance from me — one lives 300 kms away and the other 600kms. It suddenly hit me that I would rather be creating memories with my kids and G-kids than trying to get students through assessments and the minefield of compliance to ensure every document was signed, dotted and crossed.

So, part way through a teaching program I resigned. Resigning was different to retiring. Resigning meant I didn’t want to work any longer. The work had changed, it was more about compliance and it wasn’t fun anymore and I didn’t want to be a part of that.

It’s not that I wanted to stop working. I still needed to be active, I still wanted to participate in life, I still wanted to be involved in a variety of things, I still wanted to do some sort of teaching and still wanted to contribute. But…

The Return

I wanted to re-connect with my girlfriends and do girlfriendy type of things to create memories.

I wanted to re-connect with my partner who I had neglected whilst working. My partner had never seen me in teacher mode because we have only been together for 4 years, so it was quite a surprise to him when walking in to ask if I would like a cup of coffee he would was snapped at because he had interrupted my line of though as I was giving feedback to a learner. Things did get a bit messy and I wanted to create better memories with him.

I wanted to be there when my children needed help, but I couldn’t get down to see them because I had work commitments. The 10 hours a week I was being paid to teach was not reflective to the amount of time and energy I put in outside those times. It was consuming me, and I wanted to feel I could contribute to their lives.

I wanted to plant vegetables and eat my own little crop — living in an apartment I had to be realistic, but there are plenty of smaller alternatives to allow me to do this. This would keep me active.

I wanted to preserve and cure foods — like my parents did (I’m Italian). I had done some of these things whilst my kids were little so they could learn about their culture and now I felt it important that the G-kids learnt too. And what better receptive audience than small children who are at their peak to learn new things and thus creating memories and teaching!

I wanted to reconnect with hobbies I had enjoyed years ago — making soap and doing mosaics. Although I had taken up dancing in my retirement — that was one thing I was able to continue to do, and where I met my partner — work still got in the way and I never went as often. I want to be able to sell my wares (contributing) or teach others how to make soap (teaching).

I wanted to wear clothes and shoes that fitted and were comfortable, so invested in some vegan friendly shoes that are like walking on air, with the occasional wearing of heels, but they don’t last long on my feet and always bring my vegan friendly walk on air shoes for later. Besides I can dance in those shoes better than the heels.

I wanted to use less chemicals on me and in my home, so I let my grey hair shine through, stopped painting my nails and my makeup routine and the use of products significantly dropped and those I did use, were scrutinised to ensure they were as natural as possible. I want to make more of my own cosmetics and possible sell them (contributing and being active).

A point needs to be made here — it was not about letting myself go, but more about LETTING GO of constraints that dictate to us that this is how we must look. I feel so much freer. But that’s another topic!

I wanted to use less chemicals in my home so switched to bi-carb soda and vinegar and some occasional bleach — ok ok but the toilet needs to be cleaned.

mm It sounds like I wanted to disappear and head back to nature and in part I probably did. I had spent years being creative in my career, being the bright, big personality to get what was needed, being the uplifting person to friends when they needed a pick up, being that motivated and high energy person to get the party started and frankly I was tiring. At times I felt like I was an imposter (again another post) and I craved the simpler things in life.

All the above things would keep me participating in life and that’s the thing — I won’t actually be retiring but Returning to Life!

Oh, and the sport car? Well after a series of fines and losing my licence, it got traded in for a small non-descript car that draws absolutely no attention to me at all. Just the way I like it!

Note: My writing accountability partner (friend first) Colleen and I both wrote on the topic of “retirement”. Read her story on her blog.