Returning to Life

How it took me five years to retire, mean it and what I learnt along the way about myself.

The Choice

As a result of a very smart decision when I was 24, I was able to retire at the age of 55 with a decent income. I was a young new teacher and retirement was an eternity away, but I was being asked to decide about my future — did I want to work till 55 or 60?

Road to nowhere

A wise lady I was working with at the time suggested to select 55, to so I took her advice and suddenly (well if felt like that) there I was at 55 and retiring.

At the same time, I had also sold my place — I’d been living in regional NSW and fancied moving back to the bright lights of Sydney. I had sold my place with all the furniture, so packing was very easy and seriously how often do you move to a new place and the furniture you have, doesn’t always fit. I have since I have moved quite a bit! When I weighed up how much furniture I had (not much) and the cost of removal, it was easier to leave it behind. Besides the purchasers were a young married couple and were grateful for the additional inclusions.

I had also recently bought a red sports car. Most would say midlife crisis (well my daughter certainly did), but I had never had a brand-new car and I was ready for adventures.

On the day of my 55th birthday, I posted to Facebook “As of today I am homeless and unemployed. On the upside I have 50 dresses and a red sports car — let the adventures begin.” I thought it a very witty post.

Turns out I had more than 50 dresses, 55 was way too young to leave work and the first adventure I had was to move in with my mother because I had not yet managed to secure a place to live.

The Realisation

Nevertheless, in time I purchased my beach side apartment — via auction. I had never bid at an action before and somehow managed to get it! So, within a couple of weeks I moved in, gazed at the view for a few days and then decided I needed some work, because well, I was bored. Work had been my validation and I felt this was now missing.

I first got a clerical job in a property developer office that was run by a husband and wife, who played out their real-life dramas in the office. He was rude and rather disrespectful and after a couple of months I left.

Within a few weeks, my old work contacted me. Could I fill in for 2 months while someone was on sick leave? Sure, I said. A little while later Oh by the way, can you do some writing work for us? Sure, I said again and in no time, even though I was casual, I was pretty much working full time again, teaching, writing, reviewing etc.

And then I turned 60. Five years had managed to go by and the adventures I was going to have turned out to be going to work. Though I did however manage a few trips in between, but they were few and far between.

It also made me re-evaluate my life. My two children had settled with partners and had had a couple of littlies themselves. They also lived a fair distance from me — one lives 300 kms away and the other 600kms. It suddenly hit me that I would rather be creating memories with my kids and G-kids than trying to get students through assessments and the minefield of compliance to ensure every document was signed, dotted and crossed.

So, part way through a teaching program I resigned. Resigning was different to retiring. Resigning meant I didn’t want to work any longer. The work had changed, it was more about compliance and it wasn’t fun anymore and I didn’t want to be a part of that.

It’s not that I wanted to stop working. I still needed to be active, I still wanted to participate in life, I still wanted to be involved in a variety of things, I still wanted to do some sort of teaching and still wanted to contribute. But…

The Return

I wanted to re-connect with my girlfriends and do girlfriendy type of things to create memories.

I wanted to re-connect with my partner who I had neglected whilst working. My partner had never seen me in teacher mode because we have only been together for 4 years, so it was quite a surprise to him when walking in to ask if I would like a cup of coffee he would was snapped at because he had interrupted my line of though as I was giving feedback to a learner. Things did get a bit messy and I wanted to create better memories with him.

I wanted to be there when my children needed help, but I couldn’t get down to see them because I had work commitments. The 10 hours a week I was being paid to teach was not reflective to the amount of time and energy I put in outside those times. It was consuming me, and I wanted to feel I could contribute to their lives.

I wanted to plant vegetables and eat my own little crop — living in an apartment I had to be realistic, but there are plenty of smaller alternatives to allow me to do this. This would keep me active.

I wanted to preserve and cure foods — like my parents did (I’m Italian). I had done some of these things whilst my kids were little so they could learn about their culture and now I felt it important that the G-kids learnt too. And what better receptive audience than small children who are at their peak to learn new things and thus creating memories and teaching!

I wanted to reconnect with hobbies I had enjoyed years ago — making soap and doing mosaics. Although I had taken up dancing in my retirement — that was one thing I was able to continue to do, and where I met my partner — work still got in the way and I never went as often. I want to be able to sell my wares (contributing) or teach others how to make soap (teaching).

I wanted to wear clothes and shoes that fitted and were comfortable, so invested in some vegan friendly shoes that are like walking on air, with the occasional wearing of heels, but they don’t last long on my feet and always bring my vegan friendly walk on air shoes for later. Besides I can dance in those shoes better than the heels.

I wanted to use less chemicals on me and in my home, so I let my grey hair shine through, stopped painting my nails and my makeup routine and the use of products significantly dropped and those I did use, were scrutinised to ensure they were as natural as possible. I want to make more of my own cosmetics and possible sell them (contributing and being active).

A point needs to be made here — it was not about letting myself go, but more about LETTING GO of constraints that dictate to us that this is how we must look. I feel so much freer. But that’s another topic!

I wanted to use less chemicals in my home so switched to bi-carb soda and vinegar and some occasional bleach — ok ok but the toilet needs to be cleaned.

mm It sounds like I wanted to disappear and head back to nature and in part I probably did. I had spent years being creative in my career, being the bright, big personality to get what was needed, being the uplifting person to friends when they needed a pick up, being that motivated and high energy person to get the party started and frankly I was tiring. At times I felt like I was an imposter (again another post) and I craved the simpler things in life.

All the above things would keep me participating in life and that’s the thing — I won’t actually be retiring but Returning to Life!

Oh, and the sport car? Well after a series of fines and losing my licence, it got traded in for a small non-descript car that draws absolutely no attention to me at all. Just the way I like it!

Note: My writing accountability partner (friend first) Colleen and I both wrote on the topic of “retirement”. Read her story on her blog.